Just another day, and just another reason to hate my life.
You see, I kinda have this crush on my best friend, but no one knows... how could they? I couldn't let them know... I'm supposed to be the hetero one. I mean, I *am* the hetero... but... I dunno. It's not that he's a guy... it's that he's... well, he's Skids. There's just something about him that I can't explain... I just like him. And it hurts, cuz he doesn't know how I feel. And as badly as I wish I could just tell him, I can't.
So, anyways, here we are, the four members of Boy Band (we really gotta change that name... since, y'know, there's a girl in the band and all...), in New Jersey, right before a gig. Sharing a room with Skids, getting ready to head out to the gig tomorrow.
Now, I'm as psyched about this gig as anyone else... this is our second gig, and the first one that hasn't fallen through... things don't seem to work out very well for us. But, this time, someone might be out there while we're playing! Someone might hear us! We might get signed! Anything is possible... but my mind keeps wandering from there back to Skids... and there's nothing I can do about it. I like him too much...
I wish I could tell him... but he's my friend... and I don't know what would happen if he knew how I felt about him. Would I lose him as a friend? I might, and that would be worse than death, to lose him.
I woke up later that night, disturbed and aroused by Skids's closeness, as he curled up against me in his sleep, his arm flung over me... It was difficult to breathe, and not because he was holding me too tightly either.
I couldn't help myself... curled up against him, his skin on mine, his breath on my shoulder, was driving me insane with want, and I knew I could never have him outside of this magical moment. I rolled over, moving slowly and softly so as to not disturb him, and as lightly as I could manage, as badly as I was shaking with the realization of what I was about to do, I brushed my lips over his, remembering what it'd felt like, a few years ago, when I'd kissed him, and he'd kissed back...
He began to stir, and before I could move away or even think of what to do, his eyes fluttered open, locking hazily on mine. "Cy?" he said, his voice indistinct, heavy with sleep. "What're you doin'?"
I froze... I didn't know what to do here and now. It seemed like something from a dream or a story, where the kiss led to an affirmation of love, which in turn led to more eventful moments... and so on. But, unlike in those dreams, I didn't know what to say... it was like I was playing a role in a play, and I'd forgotten all my lines.
The moment felt like it dragged on forever, but before too long Skids sank back down into the blankets, his eyes closed as he returned to slumber, and I sighed softly, hoping to not wake him up again. Sure, I coulda acted suave and kept him awake, regaling him of my love... but the words simply wouldn't come out, and it was better to stay silent than make a fool of myself.
Perhaps someday... someday I would be able to tell him... but that someday wasn't today. Not tonight, while he sleeps peacefully next to me, while I lay back down and curl up next to him, while I drape my arm around his waist and pull him softly to me, so my skin and his skin are touching, our breaths intertwining...
The next morning, I awoke to the sounds of the room's shower, to the familiar humidity of steam tracing through the room. The shower ended abruptly, and before I could fully focus my eyes, I saw a streak of bare wet flesh cross my field of vision, heading to the other side of the bed, where Skids's clothes lay in an unkempt pile on the floor.
"Hey sleepy!" he chimed when he noticed me looking around, still nude and standing mere inches from me. Not waiting for a response from me, not that he'd get much of one while standing there like that, he started throwing on clothes, while I laid there and willed my hardon to go away. This was not a good time to get hard, not as hard a time as I was having anyways.
"So," he continued, unfazed by my uncomfortable silence, "I had this weird dream last night, where I woke up in the middle of the night, and you were kissing me... but you weren't saying anything..."
He looked at me, and I felt like my heart was beating so hard, it might jump out of my chest. "That really happened, didn't it?" he asked, studying my face. "I mean, you actually were kissing me, and I actually woke up?"
I didn't know what to say, but I certainly couldn't lie, so I had no choice but to nod mutely, unable to get my tongue to work at the moment. My mouth was hot and dry, and fear was welling up within me, like my body knew what he would say...
I could only shake my head while he moved closer to me, studying my face. Then, in a move I could not begin to expect, he moved closer still, until his lips were pressed against mine, parting slightly to allow his tongue through. In equal amounts of shock and desire, my lips parted as well, and we began to kiss deeply, pressing together and holding each other tightly, as though afraid to let go. Which I was, at the moment.
He pulled away from me for a moment, studying me, before coming close again, resuming the kiss with renewed fervor, his hands roaming along my back, both massaging and caressing me. My hands, almost of their own accord, began a similar track across his back, kneading the soft flesh of his bare back, reveling in the feel of his skin against mine.
With a deft motion, he flipped his hands, pulling my shirt off over my head before I could even react. He chuckled slightly, giving me time to react and pull my shirt the rest of the way off, then resumed his caressing of my now-bare back, his fingers tracing arcane symbols across my skin, sending chills of joy and desire through my body.
Lost within the rhythm of the sexual dance, I reached for his waistband, undoing his pants and sliding them down, revealing his naked body, which I'd seen briefly earlier, but now was able to enjoy in its full beauty. His taut skin, his loose pubic curls, his rigid hardon beckoning to me, I reached for him, grasping him in my hands, his breath escaping in a sudden hiss as he reciprocated eagerly, groping me through my shorts, inciting a sudden peace and at the same time a deep longing, a need to have him, to be deep within him.
I leaned forward, licking his throbbing member lightly, testing the feeling... I'd never considered doing this before, not even with Skids, but the urge was too strong to ignore, and before too long I was sucking him with a certain greedy inhibition, hearing his moans as he thrust into my mouth, angling around to face my dick and sliding my shorts down, my dick popping free and tapping against his waiting lips.
He wasted no time in taking me into his mouth, and an entire world of sensation was opened to me, a deep and compelling shock running down my body, forcing moans and groans from the back of my throat, forcing their way around his cock and making him squirm from the stimuli.
A few quick and lustfilled minutes later, his body began to thrash, tensing noticably, until he broke free, filling my mouth with his seed, the tangy-sweet taste something new and alien and not wholly unpleasant as I tensed in turn, feeling my body release into his waiting mouth, as he struggled to swallow my load.
I spun about slowly to embrace him, our bodies relaxing into one another, feeling finally at a certain peace with him, my lust sated for the moment, my desires offset by the realization that, should the cost of this encounter be our relationship, I would be happy only that I have finally quenched this desire, that I have had sex with him... and that the loss of him as a friend would be too much to bear...
I awoke some time later to a knock at the door and Harley's voice, intruding on my reverie.
"Hey, get up, you two!" he called insistently. "We need to get going or we'll be late!"
I looked at Skids, lying next to me, a shy smile playing across his face while he watched me slowly awake, and I knew that I would not lose him as a friend... if anything, I would gain him as a lover. And that was something I was more than prepared for.
I kissed him lightly, him returning the kiss, and we laid there, wrapped in each others' arms, sharing a love that I had known for most of my life, a love I had thought would never find fruition.
It's been quite some time... months, even years... since that fateful night. And fateful it was. If it hadn't been for that night, I would have never been able to express my love for Skids... or rather, I suppose I should say Gio, since he's thrown off that childhood name of his. If not for him waking up when I kissed him, who knows what might have happened... everyone else has been drifting apart, after all. Harl and his man moved out to California... 'Sheequa wound up a lawyer, and moved in with Apollo, Tybalt's old roommate...
Tybalt disappeared, although rumor has it he's either travelling overseas, living the good life... or is the captive of some Satanic priest. Either way, no one's seen him in quite some time, and for one, I'm not upset... he was always trying to break Harley and Rasputin up, and while I don't like Rasputin, at least Harl's happy, or so I've heard.
Oh, and we still never found out who kissed Harl that one night... I dunno why that bugs me, but I still think someone was lying about where they were. And I still wish I never got caught. But that's another story altogether.
My sisters all wound up nurses... why, exactly, I don't know. Well, all except Lupe. But she was always the odd one... she went for business.
Me and Gio? We've been very happy... he started his own business selling soft toys to trauma victims, and I finally got my Ph. D. in chemistry... all that playing with chemicals paid off in the end, it looks like. I wound up taking a professor's position at the university I graduated from, and we adopted a bunch of kids... 7, so far. They kinda remind me of my sisters... I guess that's OK, since they all wound up all right, as weird as they were.